Today sucked so bad. I didn't go to school today, even though it was supposed to be my last day. I woke up and mummy informed me that they did not want me back at school so we had to see if I could go onto Independent study immediately. We went to the Independent study center(CIS) to talk to Koko. She used to be my consular at school but now she's the head of the center. When we got there we couldn't find her and the building was locked. For some odd reason mummy wouldn't let me knock on the door, I think she just wanted a reason to walk around problem solving while on her cell phone complaining about me. I hate her so much sometimes. So when we finally found Koko she took us to her office and mother did her thing where she plays "mother of the year" and I'm the ungrateful, piece of shit child. It was awful, I felt so overwhelmed and powerless I started crying. Not just crying, sobbing and I could not stop. It was just so overwhelming, my own Mother talking about me in such a way. Koko asking me what the problem was with school "because I'm so smart" and "my test scores are so high" blah blah blah. Finally Koko took me outside and asked point blank just to tell her what it was. Through my buckets of tears I told her that I just can't be around people right now, at lest not my friends. Not until I get my mojo back, if I ever do. I just want to be happy again and normal, as normal as I can be. But If I have to wait a month or two I could do it, be strong and suck it up. I would just have to put a little smile on my face and play the part, make the grades. Koko explained the options and either she would take it in front of the committee tomorrow and they would vote on letting me study or not. Because there's a waiting list of around 50 for the program and to jump up to the top they have to vote. Or I wait the month or two then I go in. I explained to her how desperate I was, so they'll vote tomorrow. If I have to wait until February to enter the program, that would be hell for me. Because I just can't but, I know I would have to. I would have to go to school and make super awesome grades. Which isn't the problem as much as being in limbo for a whole month because I already told some of my friends that I would be leaving for the rest of the year and I don't want to have to go back now. Just to leave so soon, will see I just have to wait and hope that it all works up the way I need it to.

On the up side there were two positive things about my day. I have a job interview tomorrow so I really, really hope I get it. And also I really watch my calories today and I ended up not eating anything. I think that's the only up side to my depression. I am going to try for a three day fast of nothing but liquid.



Love Bunny<3

 

 

 

 

 

First entry! Well so we begin, the purpose of this livejournal is...I'm not completely sure. Yesterday I was forced to leave school and go on independent study. It's my fault I've been fucking up for a long time now, so it's pretty much the last resort.  You are reading the blog of a "Habitual Truant". I have been a truant for my entire high school career, it's not a fact I'm proud of. The truth is that I'm happy about this(mostly)because I'm sick of  all the meeting to discuss what's wrong with me and the threats of where they send "troubled teens". Now for the rest of the year I will be working at home for three hours during the day and at the local college. Of coarse I will have to also get a J-O-B an what not.